consegui …

ref: http://www.vivaolinux.com.br/etc/my.cnf-fabio
Primeiro ------------------ Editar o /etc/mysql/my.cnf -------------------------------------------

[client]
port = 3306
socket = /var/run/mysqld/mysqld.sock

[mysqld_safe]
socket = /var/run/mysqld/mysqld.sock
nice = 0

[mysqld]

user = mysql
socket = /var/run/mysqld/mysqld.sock
port = 3306
basedir = /usr
datadir = /var/lib/mysql
tmpdir = /tmp

skip-external-locking berg

skip-locking

bind-address = 127.0.0.1 berg

key_buffer = 16M
max_allowed_packet = 16M
thread_stack = 192K
thread_cache_size = 8
myisam-recover = BACKUP

query_cache_limit = 1M
query_cache_size = 16M
log_error = /var/log/mysql/error.log

expire_logs_days = 10

--------- berg ---------------

set-variable = table_cache=20000

set-variable = sort_buffer=16M
set-variable = record_buffer=16M
set-variable = myisam_sort_buffer_size=64M
set-variable = thread_cache=8
set-variable = thread_concurrency=8

set-variable = max_connections=10000

set-variable = net_write_timeout=30
set-variable = connect_timeout=2
set-variable = wait_timeout=30

skip-innodb

--------- berg ---------------

[mysqldump]
quick
quote-names
max_allowed_packet = 16M

[mysql]
#no-auto-rehash # faster start of mysql but no tab completition

[isamchk]

key_buffer = 16M berg

key_buffer = 312M

!includedir /etc/mysql/conf.d/

Segundo ------------------ Editar o /etc/mysql/debian.cnf -------------------------------------------

Automatically generated for Debian scripts. DO NOT TOUCH!

[client]
host = localhost
user = debian-sys-maint
password = D8uTxZ2gSkaQZRvV
socket = /var/run/mysqld/mysqld.sock
[mysql_upgrade]
host = localhost
user = debian-sys-maint
password = D8uTxZ2gSkaQZRvV
socket = /var/run/mysqld/mysqld.sock
basedir = /usr
[mysql_upgrade]
host = IP do cliente Windows xp
user = debian-sys-maint
password = senha do banco mysql
socket = /var/run/mysqld/mysqld.sock
basedir = /usr

---

Mas a conexao é muuuuito lenta

alguem pode me ajudar …

obrigado